Cancer, Clarity, and Why I Coach the Way I Do
Updated: Oct 2
In March, I noticed a dry spot in my throat. By May, I had a diagnosis — aggressive HPV-related tonsil cancer. By May 14th, it was a marble-sized tumor. By June 18th, I was in surgery.
A 4.5-hour radical neck dissection. The tumor had grown to 4 centimeters. They removed 39 lymph nodes.
HPV can cause oropharyngeal cancer, including cancer of the tonsils and base of the tongue. MD Anderson provides background information in the source linked below.
I Had to Push
The changes I was noticing made getting answers feel urgent. I wanted to understand what was happening and what I needed to do next.
A dear friend — an NP — was the first person to say, “You need to get that looked at.” She also called the ENT surgery office to ask how I could be seen. I walked in that same day. I advocated for and left with a consult appointment.
I did the same thing with my CT scan. I walked in, got pre-authorized, and walked out with a scan appointment the next day. From pre-diagnosis to CT scan — three days.
I didn’t wait. I asked questions. I pushed for actionable information and to understand what measurable progress looked like. I made myself heard until someone moved.
Not because I’m difficult. Because I knew something was off — and I wasn’t going to wait for permission to act on it.
Once I had the diagnosis, I did what I know how to do.
My doctor was excellent, and answered my questions and set realistic-and sobering-expectations. It helped me understand exactly where I was, what was going to happen (surgically), what to expect (recovery), and the physical and mental state that led to the best possible outcomes. Targets were now becoming visible.
Building My Plan
But it still wasn’t a plan. So, I built one.
I researched everything. I applied the same rigorous, data-driven approach I used in medical device sales — only this time, I was the client and the customer.
I created custom mantras — for day, night, walking, and exercise. Visualizations. Micro-goals I could track. Structured fitness routines that pushed my cardiovascular limits.
The importance of staying hydrated is one example of how I coached myself.
My doctor emphasized staying hydrated during my recovery. I made following that advice one of my daily priorities.
When I didn’t want to get off the couch to drink another glass, I asked myself one question:
What’s the cost of this inaction on my recovery?
That question helped me connect a small action with something I cared about. It gave me a practical reason to get up and follow my recovery plan.
I Didn’t Do It Alone
Here’s the part most people miss.
That same NP saw something early that the system almost missed.
My wife, Jennifer, researched PT options when no one offered a referral — and found a provider who had personally overcome right-sided paralysis.
Lymphatic massage was mentioned and briefly demonstrated, but nothing sustained was offered. I found a certified lymphatic massage specialist myself.
When the system had gaps, the people in my orbit filled them — or pushed me until I did.
Self-advocacy matters. So does having people around you who see what you can’t.
That’s Exactly How I Coach
We start with where you are and what matters to you. We take time to understand your goals and whether working together makes sense.
Then we build a plan that fits you. Execute. Measure. Adapt. Repeat.
That’s what I did for myself. That’s what I do with clients.
Moving Forward
When I first published this reflection in January 2026, about six months after surgery, I was cancer free.
If you’re in a hard chapter — career, leadership, something personal — I’ll say this:
You may not have chosen the situation you are in. You can still explore what matters now, who can help, and what is within your control.
What and how you choose to move forward matters.
John Carnes
Start a conversation
If you would like to explore a life, career, or leadership question together, send me a message through the contact form. We can discuss what you need, how I may help, and whether working together feels right.
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